Hoochie Mama Halloween

I have started looking for a Halloween costume earlier than normal this year. My sister's Bachelorette party is on Halloween and it will be a costume party...so I decided I wanted something not so last minute and cute. I looked online at a lot of costume ideas to see ahead of time what I wanted to be. I finally decided it would be wiser to go into the store and try the costumes on so I don't waste money if they don't fit. I found a couple that I thought were pretty cute: red riding hood, robin hood, Dorothy, and a rag doll ( which I really want to be!!) I asked the man to get all of the costumes for me by giving him the 3 digit numbers, which I said over and over in my head in order to remember them.

So, I take the costumes and go into the dressing room, which by the way has no mirror. They have conveniently placed the mirrors outside the dressing room in the middle of the costume department. I think it's so they can get a good laugh at your expense when you come out looking like a dork in your polyester get up. I opted that I would simply decide if it fit well and forgo the mirror embarrassment. I even tried to set up the camera on my cell phone from far away so I could get a full body shot...No Bueno!

I took out the rag doll costume first as it was my favorite. I don't know if you have ever taken a costume out of those plastic bags..but the smell is horrifying it's like burnt plastic and BO. Holding my nose, I tried to slide the costume over my chest...not happening. Onto....the Plus size costumes. Oh how I despise that word! I was determined not to go there...but the polyester and me were not agreeing and one wrong tug and those things rip.

I decide to try on Dorothy first because that is an all time fav costume of mine since I was little. It slid right over hips and chest...no problem. I love the design, it even has a cute Toto on the skirt...ok let's start to zip the zipper. Hey, I think this might work....that is until I realize that my butt cheeks are hanging out the back. This thing is SHORT!! Maybe if I pull it down a little bit better...NOPE....cheeks are feeling the breeze. Bummer...ok maybe the Red Riding Hood will work better.

Gosh the smell of this material makes me want to vomit! You know red is more of my color....I think I like this one better! Pull it up....put on my red hood and I am feeling it..no big bad wolf is gonna mess with me! Check around the skirt...seems a little longer in the front...check the back...CRAP...cheekage! You have got to be kidding me! What is it with these costumes? My butt is not bubbly enough to lift this thing more than normal. Since when did Dorothy and little Red Riding Hood join the Hoochie Mama Realm? Aren't these kids stories?

It has come to my realization that 95% of cute idea women's costumes are sleazy. They are all about being as small as possible to flaunt your body.. I was appalled and frustrated! I am now attempting to make my Rag Doll costume myself. I was trying to avoid that because of time and money..it adds up. But if I want a cute costume that includes more than 1 yard of fabric....I am going to have to make it myself. I have never made anything more than an apron....this should be fun.